| I think that Dostoevsky is really the only writer that can leave the main character in prison for murder and have that qualify as a happy ending.
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| I'm not a terribly ambitious person. I think some of that might be
because my dad is. I hated him for a long time because he moved us
around a lot to find better jobs and he spent so much time working that
the only time I saw him was on Saturdays when he made my brother and I
do pointless yard chores, which we obviously hated.
I'd be incredibly content if I spent the rest of my life doing shows
for the campus TV station. I had more fun tonight filming Reels than I
would anchoring the news in Miami. Obviously however, I can't live on
student loans forever, which means that I have to venture out and
compete in the "real world," something that I've been trying to put off
as long as possible.
Boo.
I'm not afraid of failure. Well, maybe I am. I don't want to try and
meet my full potential because I don't want to find out that my
potential isn't what I thought it would be. Its much more satisfying
to have fun and pretend that I'd be the next Truffaut if I tried
than it would be to break my back for 20 years doing jobs I don't like
to try and meet a specific goal. I just don't like putting effort into
things.
This was supposed to be a more positive sounding post.... hmmmm....
Whenever I've imagined what my life would be like in 5, 10, 20 years,
etc., I've never thought about what I'd be doing for a job. I think
that's what's worrying me. In order to be a great journalist (or a
great anything, really) you can't just put in 9 to 5 and then come home
and forget your job. I'm not on a timetable, but I anticipate having a
family in 10 years. How am I supposed to be a good father if I'm out
shooting packages or reading the news every evening instead of at
home? How am I supposed to start a family - or even create a stable
relationship - if I'm going to be moving across the country every year
or two until I get a stable income?
I'm not even entirely sure why I want a family. The Bible recommends
against marriage unless you really can't restrain yourself from having
sex. Not particularly romantic. On the radio today, a preacher warned
against making your spouse an idol and finding meaning from them
instead of from God. I can see how I wouldn't necessarily be someone meant for marriage. I don't really get along with people I live with. My relationship with my family has gotten a lot stronger since I stopped seeing them every day.
Anyway, I usually have one of these existential criseses near my birthday every year. I think it really comes down to the fact that I avoid long-term plans. I have no idea what the future is going to bring. In reality, I'm just going to muddle through. If a great career opportunity comes up, I'll take it, if I fall in love I'll get married, if neither, I'll do something else. Que sera sera. I've lived my life without plans so far and its turned out more fantastic than I even dared to hope for. (although I do highly recommend looking at least a year ahead when it comes to scheduling classes)
I guess this is one place where I do follow my dad. He didn't plan on becoming a lawyer. He just took the LSAT on a whim to see what score he'd get (I inherited all his arrogance and then some) and ended up with scholarships to law schools. Now he travels around the world and writes basically whatever he wants on topics that he loves. My mom on the other hand, had very specific, detailed plans regarding exactly when she would get a degree, serve a mission, model and then write a great novel. Instead she fell in love at age 18, got married and had kids. It took her a long time to get over the disappointment from the frustration of Plan A.
Ha! I just justified not planning ahead!
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| Activists from the National Federation of the Blind are picketing the movie Blindness because they find it offensive. From an article:
"It would probably be in poor taste to criticize the group for not seeing the film before they protested against it"
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| The US is producing and exporting gods at record rates, but we require
fewer workers to do so, because of advancements in automation
technology. |
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